Day 18: Pressing The Pause Button

The cold I’ve had for the past week gets worse. I stay home. Sleep. Journal. And take time to be with myself and listen to my body.

It’s perfect, actually. This is the week I officially begin working again, after taking all of August off, with client sessions scheduled and an email inbox to dive into that hasn’t been checked since July 30th.

No wonder my body is asking for a PAUSE. Just pause, please, she’s saying to me, through the unlimited amounts of snot coming out of my nose and occasional cough that comes from deep inside.

I fill 12 pages with my journaling this morning. The blank pages quickly get filled up with my tears, my homesickness, my gratitude, my excitement for the projects that are emerging with Girl Up, my crazy epic dream from last night, my gentle, quiet, kind inner voice that comforts and nurtures me in her witnessing and loving.

Excerpt from my journal:

You’re outside of the box

You’re so far outside of the box you don’t even see it

And you’re having that normal response of holy shit where is my box so I can fit in and be safe?

It’s ok… it’s ok… it’s ok…

There is no such thing as safety, remember?

You don’t need to get all linear

You don’t need to get all confined feeling

You are learning more about yourself and life than you realize

Your growth is exponential it’s just that you’re so far outside of anything you ever use to measure it that you don’t see it.

You are a radical rebel that is outside of anyone else’s comfort zone, too.

You are showing them another possibility

Let go of thinking you haven’t done enough to speak out and show your solidarity with POC in America… look what you are choosing and doing and being here in fucking Uganda… just look at that… look what you are choosing… what if this is enough for right now and what if it’s more than enough and what if you are actually sending a message louder than words with these images and stories? What about that? Would you be willing to acknowledge all the change and possibility and kindness and consciousness you have created and chosen by being this in all the places you are and beyond???

YES YES YES!!! And everything that doesn’t allow that to be… let it go

Everywhere you haven’t acknowledged all the change you’ve created…

All the different kinds of conversations you’ve inspired…

The catalyst you are…

Would you acknowledge that now?

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